There is hope!

Tonight I sit on my big comfy couch with my lovely cat named Mildred Hubble (extra points if you know where that name comes from!). I am starting to feel my pain medicine kick in. It is my evening routine after a long day. My joints always ache, some days are good and I can bear it and other days, like tonight, I need a little bit of help. The achy joints are a side effect to having had chemo and the medications I take. But I will continue to take them since I can handle the side effects, even if I need a little bit of help. But this is my life, after cancer.

Thanks to our ever-growing instant media, I am able to just click or tap and view videos and stories of all sorts. Sometimes it’s great like when severe weather happens—which also happened this afternoon. Sometimes it can lead to connecting to great friends and what is happening in their lives. It can also keep me informed by various bloggers that are also living in Cancer World. This can also be a good thing because some of the bloggers are very amazing supporters for others with cancer—kinda like surrogate big sisters and take you under their wings and help you navigate this curse. They can provide information that sometimes is not covered in the info you get at the doctors or new info about medications and treatments that are now available. They also share their stories or stories of others—helping establish a connection that we are not in this alone. Because they know those of us on Cancer Island often feel like we are alone. With that said, sometimes bloggers provide information that is not entirely true and sometimes only one example of various possible outcomes. I don’t think they mean any ill will or that they purposely do it to scare an audience that is already scared. I truly believe they are trying to bring awareness to an issue so others that may not know exists. Reading articles or stories that don’t reflect my situation and have a strong heartbreaking end leave me feeling fearful and the “what ifs” start.

I find myself uttering all kinds of things upon reading these types blogs, posts and viewing videos. It fuels my desire to share my story. I want other people to know that there is a possibility to have stage IV cancer, go through treatment and work, and go into remission. It is possible to become part of a new population of people that live with cancer as a chronic illness. It is possible to live a long life even after you have been told you have metastatic cancer. I wish will all my heart that this would be true for everyone that hears the words “the cancer had spread.” I want other people to have hope. I want other people to know that even with a cancer diagnosis you can still trust God. It’s hard, but possible. I want other people to have the courage to stand up for themselves and live the life they want. So if they want an ice cold beer on a hot day, then by all means have that beer. My hope and prayers are that as we continue to research for a cure, more treatments will become available and cancer will become treatable for everyone and then finally a cure is discovered. What a glorious day that will be!

I was feeling sad earlier because I haven’t been able to really share my story. I have shared it among my friends and family and they have shared it, too. But I feel like it isn’t enough. If I was newly diagnosed, especially like I was with stage IV right out of the gate, some of the stuff I find online would scare me and I would be living in fear during the whole ordeal. My concern is that there is a young mother out there that doesn’t know that her cancer might be the one they can treat. No, there is no cure. But it is treatable and she can live a long life. She can watch her kiddo grow up and grow old with her spouse. I wish I had found a story like that when I was diagnosed to help give me hope. Because let me tell you I only found ONE story that was even remotely like mine.

I feel like I am not doing enough to spread my story. I was feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had the time to blog more often or make videos. (I am planning to make a video—so stay tuned for that!) And as I cried out to God, He reminded me that I am spreading my story and that I will have many, many chances to share my faith and what I have been through. He reminded me one of the best ways to share my story is to LIVE. The women that came before me and volunteered for those clinical trials for the treatments that have put me into remission would want me to LIVE. By going to my daughter’s softball games, watching the Pirates on the telly with my husband, going to work Monday through Friday, being a friend and living the everyday life I am sharing my story. He reminded me of a conversation I had with another mom earlier in the week. I mentioned that I couldn’t help with an activity my daughter was involved in during the school year due the treatment I was receiving. The mom asked what type of treatment. I shared, but tried not to over share because I didn’t want to scare her. She was amazed that treatments have come so far. It’s not by chance that I got to share my story, perhaps she will share my story with someone that needs hope.

I am looking forward to being able to share more and do more for spreading the message of what metastatic cancer is and how treatments can improve the lives of those diagnosed. But for now, I am going to try and be content with sharing my story by LIVING my life unapologetically.