Frozen

Ah yes by now everyone knows of the movie "Frozen". But this is entry is about feeling frozen. And I'm going to use a different movie (or book for my book readers) as an example.

There is a scene in the Twilight series (save your groans) where Bella (human) and Rosalie (vampire) are discussing their desires for the future. Rosalie opens up about the life she had wanted before becoming a vampire and even tells Bella how she envies her human status. She explains that vampires are frozen in time never moving forward. 

I feel like that while in remission. Yes, I am moving on with my life and living as normally as I can. I'm still limited because I'm still dealing with chemo side effects, I'm still on a schedule for my maintaince infusions, and sadly I'm worried I'm getting a head of myself. And of course every new pain feels like a possible setback and brings worry. The later is what I'm currently dealing with. Facing a bone scan next week and those test also bring on a set of anxieties. 

Before I had cancer I thought once a person was told they have no evidence of disease or they are in remission, they were done with the cancer dance. Um, yeah. Not at all true. Well, there maybe someone out there that happens for because anything is possible. 

No magic wand was waved and I had my previous life back. Instead, I'm battling fatigue and joint aches that have increased from my new meds. I'm dealing with a huge weight gain from chemo. I'm also still wrapping my head around having cancer let alone this new phase. I'm also battling the fear monster of cancer coming back. 

A dear cousin and pastor pointed out it's in these times satan likes to rear his ugly head to try and knock us down. He is very spot on with that. Satan is walking around like a lion seeking to devour us (1Peter 5:8). He wants to steal the joy that can come from this phase. He wasn't able to knock me down in the last phase and he is going to try again. 

I have felt resentment and feeling God has forgotten me  as others move forward with their lives. If I dwell too much on those things it can mess with my head. It's during those dark and painful times I remind myself of God's promises to me. He has a plan for me. He has brought me this far and he will not abandon me now. He is planning out my testimony as he orders my steps. He reminds me this phase is part of his plan. I have to have patience. I have to trust him.

I may be frozen now, but one day I will be able to move forward. I heard a saying before and I think it's appropriate here. "Until God opens the next door, praise him in the hallway."