I really don't know what it is like to watch a loved one or friend go through cancer. I can empathize what it must like. I can say it sucks--because cancer in general sucks. I am going to share what things have helped me so far on this journey. Keep in mind things that people have done for me, may not work for some one else since everybody is different. I can say that most of time, if you are truly trying to help it will be recognized, but please do not offer to make a meal and tell the patient they need to come and get it. That is not helpful.
One of the biggest things I have found encouraging is hearing someone is praying for me. Every time I hear that it just gives me such peace. I truly believe in the power of prayer. I have been told that friends and family have added me to prayer lists and that just humbles me. People that do not even know me are lifting me up to the healing power of Jesus. I have actually read that there are cancer fighters that do not like hearing people are praying for them. They have different beliefs and they find hearing it very offensive. So if you are not sure about someone's beliefs I would recommend asking if it is okay if you pray for them. As for me, I see it as one of the biggest things you can do for me. I truly believe in the power of prayer. I know it was through prayer God allowed a miracle to occur when I was hit by a motorcycle at the age of 3. It is also one of the reasons I share updates on my facebook page Team Mimzy. Those that are supporting me and wanting to pray for me can see my updates and offer words of encouragement there.
I am attempting to work part time through this and maintain my wife and motherly duties. However, meals are extremely difficult. Planning, shopping and cooking is often too much. Since my husband is not one that cooks, it makes dinner very interesting. It has been such a blessing when family and friends plan to deliver meals. It takes off so much stress and offers me more time to rest and kick cancer's butt. I have loads of dear family and friends that do not live nearby and have sent gift cards in lieu of a meal. Those are extremely helpful, too. My husband can pick something up on the way home and dinner is ready. We are able to spend more time together as a family--which right now is the most important thing to me.
Helping with errands and rides has been helpful. I have been on a variety of medications since the start and the side effects have been overwhelming. I can't always just hop into my car and drive to store or the post office. I have to pre-plan every errand. Sometimes my husband can pick up something I have forgotten, but sometimes he can't. It helps to have someone drive me or even offer to pick something up while they are at the store.
I need to get better at allowing people to help with the cleaning. I am working on it. But it is a huge help when I let people. Even just sweeping or doing the dishes, is a huge relief. My joints hurt all the time and those little chores are very taxing. We also have had people that have helped with lawn care and eventually we will need help with snow removal because it is approaching that time of year. It stunned me when people just offered to help with the lawn care and got it done. I know there are people that don't mind offering this kind of help, so if you are one of them, please offer it to your loved one.
I am so blessed that my daughter has so many people in her life that love her and adore her. They want to help in some way and offer playdates with their children or even transportation to events that our children are in together. It humbles me every time one of her friend's parents instinctively offer to help in this way. I am so incredibly thankful. Like I have mentioned before, with the side effects of medication and my body fighting for its life, it can be hard to find the energy to maintain all the events and fun stuff our daughter wants to be apart of. Just because I am dealing with cancer, I don't want it to mean she misses out on her childhood. It gives her an outlet and place to have fun with friends.
I am thankful for those that take the time to listen to me. I have so much going on in my head and sometimes I just need to get it out. I am not always looking for advice but more like reaching out and being real about cancer. Cancer sucks and it's nice to talk to someone that agrees that it does. Sometimes it is nice to have a break from the cancer talk and talk about music, games, current events--which include current events in friends' and families' lives. I am still a person and I still have interests. It gives me a much needed break from the back and forth in my own head.
Not that long ago I was having a very rough week. I felt horrible, worried, dealing with stupid people and just overwhelmed. A dear friend drove over 2 hours to treat me to a manicure. It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed. She asked what I had done for myself since we talked last and I couldn't really think about anything. I had been so focused on appointments and just daily activities I hadn't really done anything else. She checks in on me from time to time and it means so much. I need that. I need someone checking in on me and helping me get out of my head and living. I don't expect everyone to make such a drive, but just checking in on the patient and help remind them of who they were before cancer came into their lives.
Checking in on me is easy. Getting an encouraging email, texts, and such can do so much. Cancer is such an emotional rollercoaster and getting a message from someone shows they care. It gives me the extra fight I need to keep going. I have an great friend that lives on the other side of the country an she is great about texting me. She sent me a funny picture from her morning commute. I laughed so hard I ended up printing it out. I also have a cousin that is very routine with texts and pictures she sends. Just remember with the messages, I may not be up to returning the call or message. So be patient with this patient about getting back to you.
I love getting mail. I have gotten several cards and packages since I was first diagnosed. Each one means so much. We have also received packages for our daughter. My husband and daughter are going through this cancer battle, too. Just knowing someone took the time to send me a card and let me know they are thinking of me and my family means so much.
Early on in my diagnosis someone kept inviting me to things that I could never have gone to due to appointments and my new lifestyle would not allow me to do so. The person inviting me really hadn't thought through. I do appreciate the invites that comes with the details figured out--realizing I may not be up to it, I may need a ride or childcare. They also take into consideration my crazy schedule. So if you ware wanting to invite your cancer warrior, think it through and ask them about the details so they are able to attend if they are feeling up to it.
I was also thinking how comforting it is to have people that give the precious gift of understanding. What I mean is, I may be feeling great early in the day and then slowly go downhill. This may cause me to cancel plans or turn down invitations. Most of the time people have been great about it when I have to cancel or turn something down because they do understand that my condition is not predictable and I am going to have bad days. I would also ask that you give an extra dose of understanding if you call me last minute and ask to drop by or would like to meet up. These are harder for me to accept because most days I have already a schedule of events that I follow because at this point I know my energy levels. I must be saving my energy to do something later in the day and can't do both. I am so thankful for those that do understand.
If you have a talent or special niche like making hats or desserts or cleaning or whatever, offer your service. I was craving strawberry pretzel squares and after hearing that, a friend made it for me. I was so encouraged by her kindness. I don't always know what I need, and it helps when someone offers a service instead of asking me what I need help with.
I am incredibly blessed with so many wonderful people in my life that are trying to help make this dismal part of life so much easier on me and my family. Each gesture means the world to us and I am incredibly thankful for them and those that go out of their way for us.
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