Thankful

I was talking today with a friend at work about life as child. We talked about how easy being a kid can be. Your days are pretty routine with no real responsibilities like bills and a job. We talked about how we would look forward to holiday breaks and family meals. I can easily remember what my life was like when I was my daughter's age. I even remember making my first paper snowflake with glitter in my first grade class! We probably made them closer to the first day of winter, but I still remember.

I can guess the things I would have said I was thankful for when I was 6. My parents would have topped the list, followed by my favorite toys and popcorn. I know I would have mentioned the Macy's parade. It was something my dad and I would watch partly together until we needed to leave for dinner. Someone would have suggested my 4 year-old brother and I would have rolled my eyes and probably said something snarky under my breath. I know the Thanksgiving holiday would have been spent at one of my grandparent's houses with all my cousins, aunts and uncles. The ladies making amazing things happen in the kitchen and catching up on family news. The men gathered around the television watching a football game or some kind of pre-game show. Cousins all over playing games and making noise. As think of it now, I can hear my grandmother laughing in the kitchen as my mother recants a story of something I or my brother probably did. Embarrassed then, but proud now that we could give her something to laugh about. I would love to just go back in time to drink in the love, laughter and warmth spent at those past family gatherings around the table--even the kids table.

Over the years traditions and times have changed. People have moved farther away and now have families of their own. It makes it harder to continue the same routines I grew up with. For my little family of three we started our own little Thanksgiving tradition and included my parents in on it. I love cooking Thanksgiving food, especially the turkey and gravy.  I know others have anxiety of cooking such a huge bird, but I live for it! I love talking to others on how they brine and cook theirs.
We had few dinners that we invited friends and their kiddos to join us.  There have been a few years we have celebrated with my father-in-law and his dear girlfriend and her family. All have been full of love, laughter and warmth.

This summer brought so much unknown to us. My husband tore his ACL and meniscus and ended up having to have surgery. I started a new job that included being on call during holidays. And then the worst happened. I was diagnosed with cancer. I went for the gold on that, too. I skipped the early stage and went straight to stage IV. (Stage IV means is has metastasized/spread to other areas of the body) During those late summer days I wasn't thinking about making a turkey. I was thinking, "will I be here to celebrate?" I had no idea how my life would play out over the next four months after my initial diagnosis. I knew what my nurse (which one of these days will get her own entry on my blog because she is incredible and everyone should know about her) kept telling me about the chemo combo for my triple positive cancer. Even knowing the science facts, everyone body responds uniquely to treatment.

The day my doctor told me my labs showed my liver blood test was normal I was on cloud nine. It was a small indicator things were headed in the right direction. But I still needed the CT scan and I was nervous what it would reveal.

Today as I replay the scan results in my head I still tear up. NO CANCER FOUND. 4 rounds of chemo, 10 radiation treatments, prayer, tears, worry, fighting and NO CANCER FOUND. I can easily tell you a million and one reasons why I am thankful this year. I am bummed I can't make the turkey, but I am okay with that.

This battle with cancer has opened my eyes to what is really important. It has honed in what truly matters in this world. I have been able to cut out so much negative and petty things. I don't take anything for granted like I used to. Everything is precious. I am not in such a rush. I also don't put up with crap either.

It has also shown me that Thanksgiving and calling into remembrance what I am thankful for is not a once a year event. For me, Thanksgiving is everyday. I am thankful everyday for amazing blessings that fall from Heaven. I am grateful for the small events that take place daily.  I could easily list a million and one things that I am thankful for and not double up.

While I don't see cancer as a blessing, I am thankful to the wake-up call that came with it. I can now really live and truly be thankful.